1 · De-escalate
Pause before the spiral
- □ Name one body cue that you’re activated (heat, tight jaw, fast heart)
- □ Agree a 20-minute pause word either partner can use
- □ Each person does 5 slow breaths or a short walk alone
- □ Return only when both can speak without interrupting
2 · Repair
After the fight
- □ One sentence each: “What I was protecting / needing was…”
- □ Own one specific behavior without “but”
- □ Ask: “What would help you feel safer with me right now?”
- □ Agree one small next step for the next 24 hours
3 · Connect
Weekly ritual
- □ Pick a 30-minute weekly slot (phones away)
- □ Share one appreciation + one stressor each
- □ End with a 60-second co-regulation (hand on heart, paced breath, or quiet side-by-side)
Ready for a full shared path?
Couples Embodied Connection ($147) and Couples Healing ($197) give you weeks of structure, worksheets, and practices.
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This checklist is coaching education, not psychotherapy or crisis care. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
